By Daniel Bobinski
Every day we face situations we didn’t choose. A coworker drops the ball on a project. Traffic makes us late. A family member says something hurtful. We can’t control these events, but we can control how we respond to them. That choice – between reacting impulsively or responding thoughtfully – determines whether we experience success or frustration.
One book that radically changed my life more than 40 years ago was “Control Theory,” by William Glasser, M.D. He later re-wrote it as “Choice Theory,” but his principles remained. Glasser taught that we have more control over our lives if we make the healthy choice of responding to events with a sound, moral purpose.
Glasser identified four arenas that affect us: our physiology, our feelings, our thoughts and our actions.
Beyond food and exercise, we have little control over our physiology. Our heart beats, our lungs draw air, our body processes chemicals and responds to injury. These functions occur without conscious choice.
Then, we have emotions. We have some control over our emotional state, but not much. Emotions simply tend to occur. Recent neuroscience research confirms this: emotions arise in the limbic system in less than a quarter of a second, faster than conscious thought can intercept them.
Beyond that is our thoughts. We have considerably more control over our thoughts than our emotions, but still, some thoughts just happen whether we want them or not. Brain imaging studies show we can redirect thought patterns through intentional practice, what neuroscientists call “self-directed neuroplasticity.”
Finally, we have total control over our behavior. Outside of reflexes, our actions occur because of our choices. We choose to stand up. We choose to shower. We choose to brush our teeth. We choose to answer the phone.
One important thing to know is that a chain of impact occurs across these four arenas. Our actions affect our thoughts, our thoughts affect our feelings, and our feelings affect our physiology.
Since our thoughts affect our feelings, we can impact our feelings if we change our thoughts. But remember, we don’t have total control over our thoughts.
What we do have control over is our actions. Since our actions affect our thoughts and our thoughts affect our feelings, if we proactively change our behavior in a positive way, we will have better thoughts, which helps us have better feelings, which positively impacts our physiology.
The key to success in all of that? Making wise choices.
By thinking through the ripple effects of your choices, you can identify actions that lead to better thoughts and feelings. Why does this matter? Because negative feelings affect your physiology too. Research shows that chronic negative emotions suppress immune function and increase inflammation.
Here’s the encouraging news: small behavioral changes create measurable improvements quickly. Studies show that even simple actions – such as expressing gratitude, helping others or brief physical movement – can shift our mental and emotional state within minutes.
The choice, as it were, is up to each of us.
