By Daniel Bobinski
Conflict resolution is one of the most important skills in any environment. Whenever two or more people work on a task, differing opinions will emerge. How those differences get resolved will make or break a team.
As Stephen Covey says in his seminal work “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Habit 6, Synergize, is “the highest activity in all of life – the true test and manifestation of all of the other habits put together.” A quick review of the first five habits shows this is true.
Habit 1 is Be Proactive. In practical terms, it means to take initiative. If we are to excel at resolving conflict, we can’t just hope it goes away.
Habit 2 is Begin With the End in Mind. It means we should start with a clear understanding of where we want to end up. Resolving conflict so that everyone is moving to achieve the big picture is the goal.
Habit 3 is Put First Things First. Another way to say this is to ensure we know the priorities – the right order in which things should be done. Again, this helps us when resolving conflict.
Habit 4 is Think Win-Win. It’s a fundamental principle for good conflict resolution. If we seriously desire for the other party to achieve a win, and for us to have a win, then we are much more likely to resolve a conflict.
Habit 5 is Seek First to Understand, Then be Understood. These ordered steps are the mechanics of living out Habit 4, and if we stay with it, we can be much better at practicing Habit 6.
Habit 6 is Synergize. It’s the verb form of synergy, which our friends at the American Heritage Dictionary say is, “The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.”
The thing about synergy is it often just happens, so how is it that Covey says we should synergize? The word is a verb, so what actions and attitudes are needed to bring that about? Thankfully, Covey tells us. Synergizing is about being open to a “third alternative,” and even actively seeking it.
In simple terms, conflict usually arises when one party wants one thing and the other party wants another. If both parties dig in their heels, then no resolution occurs and progress can grind to a halt. Being open to a third alternative means believing that so long as conversations are occurring, a different solution will emerge – one that neither party had in mind at the beginning.
How do we keep conversations going? The answer is right before us. Just keep doing Habit 4 and Habit 5. Keep desiring a win for both you and the other party, and keep seeking to understand followed by seeking to be understood.
So, as long as one party in the disagreement is practicing Habits 4 and 5, and believes Habit 6 is possible, then the conditions exist for Habit 6, Synergizing, to occur. The key to success is to keep doing Habits 4 and 5.
– Daniel Bobinski is a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. For more than 30 years he’s been working with teams and individuals (1:1 coaching) to help them achieve excellence. He was also teaching Emotional Intelligence since before it was a thing. Reach Daniel by email at danielbobinski@protonmail.com or his office: (208) 375-7606.
