By Daniel Bobinski
When trust exists in the workplace, relationships tend to function smoothly. Teams collaborate better because communication flows easier, and people are more willing to give one another the benefit of the doubt. But when trust is broken, even simple interactions become difficult. Every word is questioned and motives are second-guessed. When that happens, cooperation becomes an uphill battle.
A common question people ask when learning about being in management is, “How do I build trust?” The answer many people give is, “be trustworthy,” but I think that’s too trite.
Contrary to what some people believe, trust is rarely created through grand gestures. Instead, it’s built through repeated experiences of consistency. When people repeatedly do what they say they will do, arrive when they say they’ll arrive, keep confidences, admit mistakes and treat others with respect, trust can take root and grow.
Think about your closest friends. Chances are you didn’t trust them deeply after just one conversation. Trust is developed over months or years when people consistently demonstrate integrity. When one’s actions regularly match one’s words, trust develops and strengthens.
This is important because our brains are constantly looking for patterns. Every interaction becomes another piece of evidence that either supports or challenges our conclusions about other people.
With consistent positive experiences, trust becomes stronger. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.
Trust is easy to lose
All it takes is one dishonest statement for years of credibility to evaporate. Breaking a promise, sharing confidential information, taking credit for someone else’s work or blaming others for our own mistakes are actions that can create lasting damage. Even a small inconsistency matters because people begin asking themselves, “If I can’t rely on this person in small things, can I rely on them in bigger things?”
Remember, our brains look for patterns. After even one incident of broken trust, doubt enters the picture and confirmation bias often takes over. People naturally begin noticing additional behaviors that reinforce their new belief. Instead of looking for evidence that you’re trustworthy, they’re now looking for evidence that you aren’t.
Rebuilding trust takes time
Trust is one of those things people rarely think about until it’s gone. If you’ve broken someone’s trust in you, the first step is accepting responsibility without excuses. People know the difference between an apology and an explanation disguised as an apology.
Saying, “I’m sorry you felt that way,” is not an apology and does nothing to restore trust. Saying, “I was wrong, and I understand why my actions damaged your trust,” is much more meaningful, especially if it’s heartfelt.
After a sincere apology, it’s vital to be consistent in demonstrating integrity. Words matter, but behavior matters more. People need to see dependable actions repeated over time before their trust begins returning.
Bottom line, trust is one of the most valuable assets we possess. It takes time to earn, only moments to lose and even longer to rebuild. You’ll be miles ahead if you never let it slip in the first place.
Daniel Bobinski, who has a doctorate in theology, is a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. For more than 30 years he’s been working with teams and individuals (1:1 coaching) to help them achieve excellence. He was also teaching Emotional Intelligence since before it was a thing. Reach him by email at info@ortoday.com.
